Comparison

I hate comparison.
I really hate it. Even if you put it in 'there won't be growth if there's no comparison.'
I STILL hate to be compared with others.
Let me put it in this way,
Nobody likes to be compared to others.

Photo by giphy

My mom compares me to others since when I was a kid up until this day.
90% of my heart, soul, and mind already numb to all this crap.
And Chinese parents always compares,
so I'm numb, the remaining 10% if probably anger or about to cry anytime if she wont stop that topic.
But what I'm mad about is not only my mom compares me, even my boy compares me to others.
WHAT THE HELL.

Photo by breatheheavy

Mariah, you've never been so right.

I'm not mad at that girl...
I'm just mad at my guy that why would he wanna compares me?
Doesn't he know that he actually DID hurt my feelings?
Not hurt 'a lil bit', but I am really disappointed.
I can't tolerate with that.

Just to express my negativity.

UGH

Worried

Am I dead yet? 
Because kidney infection is haunting me. 
UGH. 

Couple of days ago, 
I realized I was having fever, on and off fever. 
Other than the heat, my right back hurts. 
I have no idea why, 
I quickly assumed the pain is because I pushed TOO HARD during bowel movements. 
3 time of bowel movements in one day. 
SO RARE. 

Booyah bitches! 

So as day goes by, (actually it was just like 2 days)
the pain got quite...... intense. 
I even shivered like crazy in the middle of the night. 
That kind of shiver was like your phone vibrating. 
Yes. VIBRATING. 

My mom thought I'm crazy when I'm walking around the chair to calm my shiver nerves down. 

So My dad brought me to the doctor. 
Guessed what? 
KIDNEY INFECTION. 

It's unbelievable. 
But it's true. 
I've been drinking water and more water and more water for the past 2 days. 
I almost vomited today. 
I can't believe I've discovered the miracle taste of water. 
NASTY. 

So the pain is still here, just not so pain. 
Perhaps it's the painkiller. 
I don't know. 
I don't wanna die. 



 

Stupidity

At this time, 
I actually have a few things in my mind now to post. 
Road trip part 2 and books and tons and tons of other stuffs. 
But my stupidity stop me from doing it. 

Urgh. 
Sometimes I even wonder am I retard or something. 
I was texting My Boyfriend and all of the sudden... 

"Message sending FAILED" 

Dafuq. 
I forgot to reload my credit. 
I went out for the the whole evening and I forgot to reload. 
What was in my mind that time?! 
Oh yea, Ikea, books, curry puffs, hot dog and ice cream. 

So I realize I need to reload my credit, 
I choose to reload via my bank account. 
E-banking they say. 
I haven't register e-banking function so I'm a first-time users. 
They require my access number and PIN number. 
Dafuq what is access number. 
I yelled at my laptop for 10minutes. 
My Mom even gave me the poker face. 
Then I realize it's in my confirmation letter. 

A poker to me, from me. 
And then I realize why after I key in my access number and pin, 
WRONG PIN
WRONG PIN 
WRONG PIN 
WRONG PIN 
WRONG PIN 

I ended up calling the bank's customer's service.
After talking to them, 
I'm a little calm. 
I decided to Google what's wrong with my registration thing. 

"User have to register themselves at the ATM to activate the E-Banking system before registering E-Banking via computer." 

 I should really...... go have some milk.

Motivation

I just workout. 
Sweating like nobody's business!!!!!! 

Bacon. 
Very derrrricious bacon strip. 
Oh I miss Subway's beef bacon strip breakfast sandwich. 
They have the best egg there, microwave egg. 
The power of microwave. 

Anyway, 
I'm feeling kinda negative lately. 
My writing job, I'm lack of ideas.
And I need to write everyday.
I'm basically cracking my head everyday, thinking ideas to write. 
I can feel my head is going to explode someday, but not now, 
because I still have many things to do. 
Such as thinking what to eat the next day. 

Can I cry. 
I need to release my pressure. 
They say eating can release pressure. 
Not for me. 
Mine is watching violence movies, such as Resident Evil and The Expendable.
BLOOD EVERYWHERE AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 

I need to relax. 

Moral

So it rained like shit just now. 
Thunder lightning like nobody's business. 
There's water leaking at some parts of My Grandma house. 

Dafuq. 
I think lightning strike at me and I died before I hit my dance moves. 

So last night I argued with Him. 
Not late night, around 11 something. 
It all started because I called him. 
And something happened and I got mad and I just cut the line off. 
I ended up crying in front of the TV. 

Why do I even wanna cry.
I was watching cartoons and I cried. 
I blamed him for making me cry, 
then I blamed myself why I cried... 


1 second later... 


I blamed him again. 
I even ended up crying until I fell asleep. 
And my nose was blocked by those mucus stuff, 
I CAN'T BREATHE. 

I turn my head from left to right to left again to find the RIGHT spot for me to breathe. 
When I lift up my head, 
I CAN BREATHE. 
AIR. 
At that moment, I really hope I can sleep with my head lifted. 
But I can't. 
I slowly lowered my head on the pillow and I still able to breathe air. 
I DIDN'T MOVE and I fell asleep. 

Today is still an awkward day because we didn't talk much. 
I mean we didn't text much. Yea. 
I shouldn't called him. 
No. 
I shouldn't even touch my phone. 
Why do I even have a phone. 
 
Moral of the day, 
Do not touch my phone when I'm watching TV.

Sand Paper

Finally, no sign of haze. 
AT LEAST FOR NOW. 

I hate haze. 
Haze makes the weather hot and dry and hazy. 
The weather is already hot enough, 
no rain, 
and here comes the haze attack. 
Makes the whole damn weather dry and smell like burning shit. 

All of the sudden...... 

MY FACE FEELS LIKE SAND PAPER. 

Do you know what is a sand paper?
Well, 
it feels like sand when you touch it. 
There you go, sand paper = which is my face NOW. 
I don;t know what is wrong with my beautiful face. 
It feels like peeling (?), like tiny winy pimples all around ma face. 

Dafuq I just said.
I just explain my face look like a piece of crap. 
I feel like a piece of crap because of my face. 
My sister said my skin is now dry. 
Great. 
I can't believe now I actually enjoy touching my leg rather than touching my own face. 

My relationship now with my face. 
I want my smooth face back. 
The worst thing is for no/some/i don't know what reason, 
some part of my face itches. 
DAMN. 

I don't really dare to scratch it. I'm scare. 

Haze

So the haze here is very horrible. 
Observe. 

I cannot accept the fact that I have to inhale and exhale haze. 
Therefore, I choose to wear mask if I'm at outdoor. 
And today I wore a mask because I gotta go to college and collect book vouchers that distributed by our Prime Minister. 

I looked like some psycho-doctor-killer. 
So I was in the bus, wearing the mask. 
And guess what, 
SUDDEN ROAD BLOCK. 
The traffic police walked into the bus, 
and he said he wanted to check our identity card. 
I don't know why. 

He walked to the passengers/ us one by one. 
We showed him our identity card and he let us go IF he approved our identity card. I don't know. 
The only part I don't get it is why he needs to wear a pair of sunglasses in the bus. 
Can he even see our face?? 

But whatever. 
When he took a look at my face and my identity card, 
I think he didn't really believe on what he just saw. 
My CURRENT face and my face 10 years ago in my ID. 
I can see his amusement/disbelieve/awkwardness through his shades. 
He stared at me for a while. 
I think he squinted his eyes at me, keep looking at me and my ID.  
But he still return me my ID. 

Anyway my face now is in a mess/face-period I think. 
IT IS ITCHY. 
I can't do anything about it but just keep scratching my own face. 
My beautiful face.
I don't dare  to apply any cream or nourishment on my face. 
My face looks OKAY to me, but not to everybody. 
I don't want to be any uglier than now. 

Dry

So there is no water supply for days in my housing area. 

HOLY SHIT. 

I NEED WATER. 
EVERYONE NEEDS WATER. 

I need water to shower, to drink, to shit, to brush ma teeth, to cook, to do  every shit I need to do in my life!!!!!! 
And all of the sudden, NO WATER SUPPLY. 
NO FREAKIN' WATER SUPPLY. 
WHY, TELL ME WHY. 

Shower is still okay, I can wash my hair + wash my body + wash my face with 1 big bucket of water, 
I can skip the conditioner and my hair looks like a broom used for  10 years. 
It's okay. 

Yep. 
It's definitely okay. 

The one that I cannot stand is shitting without water. 
I wanna wash my ass man. 
And there is no water supply. 
No freakin' INFINITE water supply. 
I'm gonna let my ass smells like shit. 
I'm feeling miserable. 
I don't wanna have constipation again. 
I don't want my tummy explode one day and poop flying everywhere. 
I don't wanna end my life with tragedy and ended up into a meme. 
It's already terrible having constipation, I really don't need to walk everywhere with a 'I need to poo right now' face.

I need water.

Hi

I decided to pick up my writing back.
I decided to appreciate small little things in my life and share it with the entire galaxxxxxxy.
I decided to write down all the negativity as a form of yelling I guess. Sometimes my life is full of negativity or I'm the one making my life full of bullshit. 

So here I am. 

Perhaps this blog will be bombed by my bullshits. Too much negativity goin on. 
Thesis is on of them. 
I am like writing crap for the past few days. Repeating the same shit over and over and tons of over again. And I bombed my supervisor with like so many uncertainties of mine, I think she hates me. I don't know.

Basically, this is me, NOW.